Hannah Montana vs. Miley Cyrus... who would win in a Cage Match to the Death!

               VS.                 
Neither because Britney Spears would eat them while out on a coke binge - just kidding. Everyone knows coke depletes your appetite.

In all seriousness though, we're pretty sure Hannah Montana would win within 30 minutes. 30 biting, scraping, clothes ripping, sweaty, experimental minutes. We've never seen the show, nor have any idea what its about, but our co-worker says Hannah Montana's a "real bitch." As opposed to those "fake bitches" DMX is always rapping about.  

She's cutthroat and heartless. So heartless that she sucks the soul out of each and every one of her fans by charging the equivalent of several thousand years of allowance for a concert and has aligned herself with the true axis of evil -- ticket-master. Plus she is part of the exclusive club of kick ass people with states in their name. People like Indiana Jones, Tennessee Williams, and Tom Utah.  

Miley Cyrus on the other hand, is just the byproduct of an Achy-Breaky hookup between Billy Ray, a deaf woman (we're assuming) that can line dance, and Christian values that forbid abortion.  Thankfully Miley didn't get her father's mullet.  Had she inherited this "Mullet to end all Mullets" I think the tides would turn in Miley's favor as far as the Cage Match goes.  However, I doubt Miley would be a Disney channel harlot with a hideous man mullet.  

Yeah... look at that mullet.  Savor it... ahhh the sweet sweet bliss of pure white trash.  I promise this blog won't turn into mullet porn. You got to admit tho, deep down you know you want to rock that mullet, if just for a day.